I had my pain clinic appointment this week. The doctor was Dr Boyd Meiklejohn, this was my first time meeting him. He listened carefully to my symptoms however the referral from my GP Dr Stevenson was very basic and this was noted by the pain clinic doctor. I explained how I was really struggling and was exhausted due to the constant pain and noise in my head, I told him how it all started with a baby ultrasound noise in my head/ear and the one thing that I had enjoyed all through my life was now non existent since all my symptoms started, I explained I could no longer exercise due the pressure in my head. The doctor explained he could not treat me as he believes my head is not screaming pain for no reason and along with all the other symptoms more tests were needed to try and establish a diagnosis and then we could move forward with some treatment. His suggestion is to attend the ENT appointment I have for May and then see what is suggested and then go back to him. Before I left I explained I had visited the ENT last year and was told it was a pulled muscle and I also mentioned I had recently paid for a private ENT appointment, he said I should not be going down the route of paying for treatment as all the private doctors work in our NHS system.
All I want is to wake up one morning to the sound of silence with no headache/neckache and pressure. I can't live the rest of my life in this condition I feel I don't have much quality of life anymore, the pain I suffer is extreme and I have tried my hardest to forget it but it seeps through every minute of every day. Doctor's do not seem interested that I have a severe headache they seem more focused on my ear.
I can't clean and tidy my home the way I used to, as soon as I exert myself and move my head and bend over to pick things up the pressure in my head and neck is extreme.
I am constantly exhausted, I could sleep during the day but obviously I can't, I am so mentally and physically drained that I lie on the living room floor after work, then I just manage to make the tea but I can't do anything else in the evening, I am completely floored, my head feels too heavy for my body.
My relationship with Mr Wanderer is suffering, I am sure he see's me as a hypochondriac because I have a constant headache but what I am suffering is a whole lot more than that. I am slowly loosing myself, I am not my usual bubbly, upbeat self. I don't want to meet up with friends and family and I hate explaining to people I hear a sound in my head. I sometimes ask myself if I am imagining it all!
I am exhausted at work and loose concentration easily due to the pain and pressure, work takes my mind off the symptoms for a tiny amount of the day but eventually creep back through where I need to lay my head on my desk.
I can no longer concentrate on the hobbies that I love, no more crafts, card making and researching history its just too much of a struggle and the headache becomes unbearable.
I really enjoyed walking for 10 miles three times a week. Its 2 miles from my work to home and I am all over the place I keep staggering and veering to the left. I can't jog, I can't do aerobic exercises I have tried numerous times and failed miserably because the pain and pressure is intense not to mention the sound in my head becomes louder and quicker.
My children are the ones who are suffering most, they don't have their normal fun loving mum who dances around the living room, who sings silly songs making the tea, who chases them up the stairs, who wants to take them shopping for new clothes, who supports them at their football, dancing and athletics, that is all almost gone, I am helpless yet I still try my hardest to do what I can. Its a battle because my mind tells me I can do all of these things but my body tells me differently.
I know I am having a bit of a moan aren't I but some of the above things I have told doctor's at appointments but it doesn't seem to concern them.
Thanks for reading
Whirring Wanderer
